While we're still licking our war wounds, Rivka Lubitch once again tackles the impossible and insists on reminding us of something that we would all rather not think about. What would happen if God forbid your husband fell captive, or was injured and became a “vegetable”? What would you do then?

Rivkah Lubitch

September 7, 2006 NRG-Yahadut (Maariv’s Internet Site) ,  for the Hebrew:

True, it’s pretty hard to raise this issue when families are still mourning the death of their loved ones, and when young men are fighting for their lives and bodies. Nonetheless, if it's possible to talk about tax-appraisers and compensation, about psychologists and post-trauma care, then it's possible to talk about the problem of women without having to apologize. In general, Jewish women who are married in accordance with the laws of Moses and Israel are not adequately protected from aginut. This is particularly true in times of war. Women whose husbands go out to the battlefield are always worried about becoming  agunot,  should their husband, God forbid, be captured by the enemy, or declared missing, even when it is clear beyond all possible doubt that he is no longer among the living. In addition, every married woman-- and especially one whose husband goes out to fight—worries about the need for chalitza, on the part of her husband’s brother should her husband die without sons.

It's difficult for us to discuss these problems for a number of reasons. First, because we think that it rarely happens. But this is a mistake on our part.  There are a lot more problematic cases than we would like to believe. There are many women who are agunot in the classic sense: those who have no idea where their husbands are, and those who know that he is no longer alive, but can't prove it. Some women turn to the rabbinic courts for help. Some live with their state of uncertainty and continue their lives without approaching the rabbinic establishment. And there are some who require chalitza and have to hunt down their husband's brother, wait till he turns thirteen, and/or pay him a significant sum of money to agree to perform chalitza and free them to marry other people.

A Romantic Concern of Sorts

Another reason that we think it’s “not O.K” to talk about this topic is because it seems so “unromantic.” It seems to us that a woman who even thinks about how she would cope with her loneliness should her husband not return from the battlefield is somehow disloyal. It's as if a woman who wants to be with another man while her husband is lying like a “vegetable” for many years, and the doctors have determined that his brain stem is damaged, is a sort of “adulteress.” But we are wrong about this too. Releasing agunot is an important principle in Judaism, even if it means planning for that situation in advance. If it's difficult for us to talk about ourselves, then let's talk about our daughters and our friends, or about women in general. And where are our men in all this? Aren’t they concerned for their wives well-being?

One of the things that disappoint me most about the religious community is that there aren't enough men who care about this issue. I can count on one hand the number of men I have met for whom  this a burning issue, and who have made the effort to find practical solutions for the problem that, God forbid, might confront their wives if they were unconscious and unable to hand over a get. In fact, I would expect every man who really loves his wife to do everything possible to make sure that she never becomes an agunah.

The fact that we tend to place our trust in the rabbinic establishment, and believe that everything that could possibly be done for women has already being done, exacerbates the problem. The rabbinic establishment does what it does to solve the problem, ex post facto. But it does not  give this issue the attention it deserves and does not look hard and long enough for a comprehensive solution that will prevent the problem from ever happening in the first place.

The best and simplest solution is for the rabbis to find a halakhic way to perform a “conditional marriage” or a “conditional divorce” for each and every marriage performed in accordance with the laws of “Moses and Israel.”' The time has come for the Jewish community, especially the religious, those who understands the importance of this matter, to wake up and demand what their wives and daughters deserve: halachic protection from the tragedy of classic aginut.

Rivkah Lubitch is a rabbinical court advocate and a staff member of the Center for Women's Justice.